Seed Views

Seed View for August 9th, 2011

This is a view of what writer’s block looks like.  This is what happens when you have to bear down at work and put some extra hours in to get shit done.  This is also what happens when it’s raining and miserable outside.  Nothing is catching my eye right now.  Instead, I’ve decided to replicate holding a mirror to my laptop screen in order to stay on schedule.  That’s the kind of devotion I have to the Seed.

I think I’m having a bit of writer’s block because I sense something is on the horizon.  It’s a personal thing, and it’s not bad at all, but I can’t quite figure out what it is.  It’s more of a course correction.  What I need to work out is what course I should follow.

This is, in fact, a good thing.  Taking stock on where you stand on a personal level is something everyone should do.  The toughest part is being honest with yourself.  The easiest way I can think to make sure you’re being honest with yourself is to pretend the things you’re doing or are feeling are someone else’s actions and feelings.  As an outside observer, what would you tell that person?  You usually know the right answer, but it’s not always easy to convince yourself.  Jesus Christ, I sound like fucking Deepak Chopra.

Maybe it’s because I’m turning 39 in a few days.  Next year – 40.  I’m aware it’s just a number and I’ve never given a shit about how old I was, but that number does creep into your head a bit and gets you thinking about the state of things.  If all continues to go according to plan, my life is now half over.  I’m cool with that.  It’s been good so far.  But how do I make the second half better?

To use a (cheesy) basketball analogy…the halftime buzzer just sounded.  I’m up by 7 after 2 quarters and I’m headed to the locker room.  I’ve played pretty well in the first half.  Made a couple 3’s, some nice assists, and played solid on the defensive end.  But as I grab a drink and towel off, I know, deep down, that I can try harder, shoot better, look for creative ways to help my teammates, and be more vocal on defense.  I know I need to leave it out on the court so we can run away with a victory.

That “something on the horizon” is the coach coming in for his halftime speech.  I hope he tells me what needs to get done to win.  And, in the short term, I hope he can help me spot some more of the stupid shit that I usually find every day.  I need that too.

2 replies »

  1. And there it is. I hope is not the number thing as I have already passed 39 not by much but passed none the less. Kim says it is what happens to guys our age. We’ll see what happens.

  2. I like to look at it as a number thing. I turn 42 next year. 4 plus 2 is 6. If I copy and paste 6, then rotate that pasted 6 by 90 degrees it becomes a 9. Push the 6 next to the 9 and a new number is created- 69. I plan to rock my wife 69 with as much piss and vinegar as I did when I was 25. Maybe looking at it as a number is a good thing.

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