This is a view of the truck that delayed my drive from Windsor, NY to Stamford, CT this morning by more than an hour. I shouldn’t be taking pictures when I drive. Assholes like me, who feel the need to take pictures from behind the wheel, are what exacerbates these long traffic jams. But my father always told me, “Do as I say, not as I do.” He also told me, “Don’t make checks with your mouth that your body can’t cash.” My friend Sean’s dad once told him, “You’re so dumb that if your brains were octane, they couldn’t propel a pissant around a Cheerio.”
Here’s what you see in this picture: a tractor trailer, loaded with McDonald’s supplies, has taken a nose dive into the median in the middle of a construction zone. Both New York State Troopers and state construction workers are on the scene. And yet, my Spidey-sense tells me there’s a deeper meaning here. If you know what to look for, if you know which clues to avoid, you’ll be able to uncover the true message.
This is a stretch, but here’s what I see: In light of what happened in the NBA Finals last night, I believe this crashed truck represents the general sports fan’s perception of LeBron James. He’s as popular as McDonald’s, has enough money to fill up 20 tractor trailers, and wears similar colors to the fast food chain. But, like LeBron, if you buy into the fun-loving myth of the Golden Arches and consume too much beef tallow, you’ll get a severe case of agita and will plow headfirst into a ditch.
The construction zone represents the popularity he was trying to repair after he left Cleveland, but has now destroyed again. The orange cone at the forefront symbolizes this as a cautionary tale to other budding NBA prodigies. The state troopers represent the Miami Heat management trying to figure out how they can mentally and emotionally repair he who was to be King. The construction worker on the left with his arms sternly folded, represents the NBA fans who despise him as if to say “Serves him right. He had this coming.” And the woman construction worker talking to the state troopers represents the sports talk radio caller who wants to make sure her opinion is heard by management, not realizing that they could give a shit what she thinks.
Then again, maybe this doesn’t represent LeBron James at all. Maybe the truck driver simply lost control in a construction zone and crashed. Maybe the state troopers are trying to figure out how to route traffic while they coordinate efforts to remove the truck. Maybe the construction worker with his arms folded is wondering if his boss is going to dock him pay for the delay in work. And maybe the female construction worker is asking the state troopers when she can wave her little orange flag again.
But I think I’m right on with my interpretation. It’s as clear as day to me.
“Going, going, …”
Categories: Seed Views